and as we land (kind of bumpily), the child behind me (somewhere in the 3-6 years old range) says “when the plane goes down like this, it makes my tummy laugh!” so i’m like, that’s pretty cute, it makes his tummy laugh, that’s a pretty good way to describe it. and he keeps saying it with generally good feedback from everyone “oh, it’s doing it again, my tummy is laughing again!”

and then, all of a sudden, he’s like “now my pickle too! my tummy AND my pickle are laughing!” no one responds, you can FEEL everyone on the plane just trying so hard to pretend this isn’t happening, and we all spent the rest of the landing in dead silence, listening to this child joyously scream about how his pickle is laughing

“Nail Polish for Men And Fighters”

Colors include: Benjamins, Cocaine, Burnin’ Rubber, Gasoline, Pirate Gold (!)……

one time I ended up accidentally getting a brazilian wax and sweated through the entire sanitary paper cover they put over the table. 

like, it was basically dissolved and torn into pieces when I sat up. the aesthetician was like, “sweaty!”

I always feel like there’s something sort of lonely and desperate about her. I remember watching an episode where she spends hours cooking for this clambake with all of her friends and she shows up at the beach lugging all this food and they’re just all disinterestedly playing volleyball. She sort of manically runs around like HA HA WE’RE HAVING FUN GUYS and they all seem kind of apathetic at best that she has arrived? And she feeds them these popsicles she made by hand and then makes them guess all the ingredients—like—“YES, PINEAPPLE! GUESS WHAT ELSE! YES, VODKA, HAHHA JANET I KNEW YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO TASTE THE VODKA!”

Anyway I just watched her Mother’s Day episode where, instead of doing something with her own mom or kids, she invites all her mommy friends over with their own kids, and cooks for them. Just to be clear, Giada does have an alive mother and daughter. I have no idea where they were!